Happiness is objectless. All one needs is Mindful Conscious Awareness.

Bang! Here it goes.. yet another realisation..

You may not be the best but I love You..

You may not be flwaless but my perception of You is..

You may have made mistakes but then its just humane..

Who am I to judge you?

I am just the same...

Her tryst with the self..

Thats her.. her life so far.

She read her sister’s school essay titled ‘Roller-coaster ride.’ The last one year came rushing back. The little girl had to sleep on the floor. Father’s salary alone could not support all of them. He worked odd hours, slogged for extra cash. And when they were about to move to a new place, the supposedly ‘good friends’ took away her father’s belongings thinking he had stolen it. She won’t cry, but the times when the mother cried till her tears ran dry do haunt her.

What a time that was! Everything so unstable, the people so unreal, the surroundings so cold and indifferent and the struggle so vigorous. Mother cried, the sister grew up so suddenly at a time when it was just not required! From where she is now it’s difficult to see how the tough times would benefit them in the long run.  

A lot is incomplete, she has to reconcile with her parents, see her father achieve what has been due , the sister has to finish her studies and she... for her, the transition has been so weird it has made her incapable of going through normal human emotions. 

She is at a loss for words when questioned,  ‘how are you?’, ‘how’s the job hunt?’, ‘so are you going to meet your parents?’, ’Why did you come back?’, ‘Achha parents kahan hai? Kya karte hain?’, ’Settled?’.

She has the answers but not the one’s people are used to listening to rather the ones that are...

 

Loosening of the knot

Thoughts loiter. 

A lot in yesterday,

A little in tomorrow.

The present is worried,

'You dont care', it says.

'I want to', I say.

Yesterday laughs,

Future frowns,

I speculate.

The war is on,

between the inseparables,

heart and mind.

The latter doesnt give up,

Makes me dream,

Makes me want,

Makes me hopeful,

The former as usual,

Gives in,

Listens,

Surrenders...

The tussle,

The contemplation,

And the blues.

Albeit the uncertainities

And fester,

Lies a notion bespeaking exposure.

 

Past is behind, 

Future can wait.

The mooching persuasions,

And the ingrained intellections.

Are impertinent like the incongruous imagery

And the surrealities they bring along.

The tangible 'present' embodies incessancy.

Rest all is incidental...

Jinxed birthdays....

Happy budday to me, happy budday to me, Happy budday to dear nidhi..
May God bless you...may God bless and keep you...
Happy budday to you........


PS : I blew candles which kept alighting back...
I kept blowing them off.
I fed the tiramisu to my land lord and his wife... Weird, haina?

Lately, changes have been such constant part of my life that I take this in its stride too... Like dadda says, 'Kasho vandho nahi.'... he he he

And by the way, summers end today... thats official!

Here I go again...mirror image! All for you

Your life strangely follows mine. It happens to me first and you follow suit. I don't need to understand you, it seems our lives are entwined. What is it, destiny? Distances strengthened our relation. I have grown to value you with your absence. Come rains and I imagine us listening to songs, giggling away and drinking chai. In the theatre the sound of your laughter resonates in my head. How I long for those easy, carefree times that I have spent with you. The only moments...alas...

The must-dos will keep us apart for a little more time. I have gone away from the comforts and coziness of home. I have learnt this wont stay for long, not atleast the way we started it. There will be changes, some brought by us, some brought by circumstances. We have grown-up Aditi. We are no more little innocent girls who can get away with not acting right. We are expected to behave what we have been believing in for this long. Not by the world but by ourselves and the one's who matter. I am not sad or sorry for seeing the life the way I have because You make it beautiful for me. The few moments of chat, your voice which reminds me of things which are are still pleasantly same, our giggles, they re-instate the feeling of life-is-not-so-bad afterall in me. You bring the best out in me. I love you.


PS : The cinema hall where I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them and sit, everytime I see something funny and laugh, I want to turn around and give you a hi-5, the way I have always done, or mabe share one more giggle. But your not there..and Oh I miss you so much then... and the good times!

Léger de coeur : Lighness of heart

A much required conversation took place and I feel much better than I have been lately. And today I read something.. a long lost word document. I have not grasped the meaning of it in totality but I guess it holds answers to those worrying questions. I guess it is not long before I am able to pave my way through...carrying nothing on my shoulders.

And for the good times, I am anticipating there are lots to come.

Amir Khan laata hai...sachhi!

Amazing! I just loved the movie. It is one of the types where all the filmy formulas just fit in so well. I liked Aditi( I am sure many girls must have looked at her and thought "Oh thats sooo me", haina?) I loved Amir's nephew...what's his name?..Imran?? Shit! dhyaan nahi diya... vaise naam mein kya rakha hai?... he he. I liked the innocence, the possessiveness, the jealousy. I dint like that Susaaant...he he....Jiggi was mast too! Everyone was actually. From rotlu rotlu to naive, cute bombs to the silent observer Shaleen. And yeah how can I forget the foreign-crazy Jignesssssh... Impressive the way the director has captured tiny traits of all the characters.

Mwaaaaaah to my gang...cheeentieee, sakubai and aditidieeeeee.. I miss you guys!

Have you ever...

Have you ever met a person
That fulfilled you deep inside...
Someone who's never failed you
And stands, no matter what, always by your side.

Someone who gives from their heart
Who brings sunshine all around...
Always smiling and laughing,
Never seeming down.

Have you ever watched a sunset
Across the ocean shore...
And been filled with love and peace,
Never needing more?

Have you ever listened to the wind
Blowing restlessly through the night...
And heard the angel's whispers
Helping you to see when you've lost sight?

Have you heard a song that moves you
And sets your soul free...
Makes you forget your pain and anger
Or makes you feel wild and happy?

Have you ever given to someone
When you didn't have it to spare...
And afterwards felt so worthy inside,
That you didn't have a care?

You see my friend, heavenly creatures surround you,
So listen closely to what they say...
They'll bring you all of life's riches,
As they guide you along your way.

:- excerpt from a forwarded e-mail. Searching for the authors name....

Ajeeb hai...

Sab akele mein rote hain... he he... rona aur chup rehna is better than bolna maane ki complain karna...

Like a child I yearn for you...

How can I think I'm standing strong,
Yet feel the air beneath my feet?
How can happiness feel so wrong?
How can misery feel so sweet?
How can you let me watch you sleep,
Then break my dreams the way you do?
How can I have got in so deep?
Why did I fall in love with you?

This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been
Feeling 22, acting 17.
This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known,
I was never so crazy on my own…
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you...