Fataak part 1 :P

I landed at the ahmedabad airport, weary of my decision. Was arriving in the city on the day of her birthday too obvious a thing? One part of me wanted her to understand I was doing this for her and the other was extremely apprehensive of her reaction.

I picked my luggage and made way to the exit. While I waited for the company car to arrive, I dialed her number. After a few tring trings she picked up.

"Hello", she said.

My heart skipped a beat.

"Hi, happy birthday yaar."

"Thanks." came her casual reply.

After a pause I said, "I am back in the city. I was waiting at the airport for the taxi to arrive and the phone screen blinked, said it’s your birthday so I called you."

I crossed my fingers and prayed. Had my cooked up story given me away. I had not forgotten even for a single second that 1^st was her birthday.

“Oh good for me you called. Thanks so much for calling.”, she said ever so sweetly and made my heart go fisssssssssh!!!

“So what’s the plan for the big day.” I asked, hoping for a party invitation.

“Well it’s my 25^th and I’d decided it to be special so I organised a small party for my close pals outside the city. It’s this heritage resort near Baroda. Will be staying the night, return tomorrow.”, she said.

A lump dropped in the pit of my stomach. Did she stress the words “close pals” deliberately or had I imagined? Oh no, I was fornicating. And then a huge virtual club hit my backside. It was my alter ego sniggering at the miserable failure of my plan. “And you thought she was waiting for her prince charming to arrive. She gives a shit dude! Fool of the highest order. Such a fucktard!!” it said laughing its devilish laughter.

“Achha, listen.”, I heard her say.

"Yeah, yeah what?”, I said, recovering from the virtual whack session.

“I need to go now. Need to check the arrangements one more time.”

“Sure”, I said trying to sound indifferent yet polite, “have a blast.”

“ Lets meet tomorrow.”, I blurted out and this time a club hit the left of my forhead. "Idiot! no self-respect." growled the AE.

I glared at the other me until it disappeared into oblivion.

“Thanks and sure lets meet. I will call you.”

She hung up. And the car braked in front of my apartments. I grabbed my luggage and the book wrapped in pink foil. Carried both with a heavy heart and walked to the elevator. I was dis heartened. But not defeated. So what if we din't meet today. I over-estimated her. Maybe she needs telling. Nevermind, I'll meet her tomorrow and give her the gift. My spirits lifted, I had arrived home.

Tomorrow I said to myself, tomorrow...

One way to pick a future is to believe its inevitable

It doesn’t help much when you take all the trouble upon you and then choke because you run out of breath.

Peer pressure you say, but that’s a choice you made.

You lived through all these years doing things you dint love and longing for things you showed no courage to make happen. Who is to blame?

Kismet, you say. Choice, I repeat.

You have no friends to make you laugh, nobody to share or vent out in front of. You say life is a drag. I say, it could have been otherwise.

You don’t dine out, you don’t socialise. According to you everyone is flawed. Restaurants mean luxury. Luxury you say, you cannot afford.

But then you go and buy yourself a new phone, a new tv, Gucci glasses that cost you a fortune.

And while you try those Gucci’s you bicker about alu-pyaz ke bhaav. Ha ha... hell yeah ‘mehengai’!!

You look at other people’s progress and say, aah he must have been corrupt. I tell you, change your definitions of truth/lies. You silently disagree. And I think to myself..phew! there goes my all my gyaan.

You crib and then you meditate and then you get depressed and then wonder why meditation is not working. How will it honey? It’s not years spent in learning from books but experience that takes you forward. Haven’t you understood it yet?

You say you love photography, you love to travel. And you blame your work load that has not been letting you pursue any of these....

Really? In 3 decades you could never take out time to take a short trip somewhere and do a bit of both? But then, you are not even a millionaire.

Choice, again?

How many more proofs you want to make yourself believe that you are the result of your own choices. If you are not happy with what you are today, why don’t you choose differently. What is it that stops you? Laziness, fear, what? I know you have given yourself enough excuses to believe that this is your kismet. But its choices my friend and only that.

How much of a friend are you to me is as much a friend you will remain...

I could have looked for a better post title but this seems right for I have spent years and years being friends with a handful few and this friendships day I would only like to renew my vows of friendship with them.

We started as little girls, we grew up together and spent most part of the decade hardly knowing each other. And today when we have grown older, discovered things about each we might not be very happy to have found out, we still stick around because discovering itself is is so immaterial!

To my gang DAD, I love you guys.

And to every one else - Have a fantastic time reviving and reconciling with good old chuddy buddies!