What you seek, has trapped you.

I finished reading 'The Seeker' by Karan Bajaj. The book is about a man's quest to discover the cause of all pain and misery. His journey is so intense and so long that I cant help but recollect a woman's words, casually spoken about kundalini by her in an attempt to awe me, 'and I went into samadhi while I was watching Aastha channel. I went into a deep tunnel and I dont know for how long I was in there.. here right here I was sitting on the bed and it happened", as I looked on, appalled at listening to the words uttered by her so casually, she non chalantly added, 'my kundalini has been awakened."

All the while she was narrating what she thought was kundalini awakening, her husband egged her on, nodding in agreement and finishing all her sentences as if he knew exactly how it felt when the kundalini awakens when in reality he is far more materialistic than materialism itself and lacks total sense of control over his tongue and eyes, leave aside the kundalini.

This woman, head of a dysfunctional family, a self-proclaimed spiritual goddess who enjoys a cult like following within her elite circle and her family, had spoken of 'kundalini awakening' without practising a single yogasan or pranayam ever in her life. Listening to her talk about something so profound so casually, my heart broke. And this wasn't the first time she had been on this jaunt. She enjoyed narrating her own stories of healing and the numerous magical powers only she was blessed with, immensely and regardless of whether anyone else did. So when I heard her talk on the subject, I went deep into my shell, avoiding all spiritual talks because she had reduced it to a frivolous ego-massaging activity.

I couldn't help but notice that she was a complete contrast of what a real yogi is. fragile, the kind who couldn't go out in the sun without her gucci glasses and sunscreen, the kind who applied dermatologist recommended anti-aging creams every night before going to sleep, the kind who couldn't poo in a public toilet, the kind who went to kitty parties, spent hours on the phone, was covered from head to toe in diamonds and bought more every month on emi's and despite all of this claimed she was simple, down-to-earth and detached.

She was the kind of a woman who was more materialistic than materialism itself, the one whose sense of 'I-ness' was buried under the million layers dominated by her sense of 'me-ness'. And yet, she basked in the glory of her pseudo-spirituality.

I couldn't stop feeling agitated by her utter disrespect for the very science yogis spent a lifetime understanding and absolute audacity with which she claimed she had mastery over all. But something in the book that I read today answered questions that have haunted me for sometime now; aren't such people ever jolted back to reality? Do they continue to bask in their pseudo-glory forever? doesn't nature have a way of getting back to them? And the answer is that the nature is, even as I write this and way before I knew her because the world is a result of cause and effect. as you sow, sow you reap. Want followers, will get followers. Want appreciation, will get appreciation. Want ego pampering, will get only that. The cycle never breaks and the person in the cycle is never going to be free.

That woman, who believes herself to be a divine and enlightened being, is living in her own bubble, thinking she is making progress when all that she is doing is going round and round in the same direction. Worse is, she isn't even aware of it and even worse is she might never find out. and this is how nature has gotten back to her. By letting her live in the make-belief world of healing powers she owns when all that she is doing is fooling the spiritually clueless who surround her. She is nothing but just another face in the sea of faces, who are stuck in the cycle of cause and effect and are unlikely to break it anytime soon.

It is said, spiritual ego is worse than that of a person who has never been on this path. and this one here, is a living example of it.

God bless her.

'Better than ruling this world,

Better than attaining the realms of God,

Better than being lord of all the worlds,

is one step taken on the path to nirvana.'

dhammapad, chapter 13

Adiyogi’s worst nightmare and our PMs biggest dream – World Yog Day

I like Narendra Modi. I voted for him. I believed in his visions of development based on hullabaloo surrounding Vibrant Gujarat, ‘Khushboo Gujarat Ki’ campaign and the upcoming GIFT city until two things happened; he decided to make the world’s tallest statue that will cost money we can run entire countries on for years and years and he decided to celebrate International Yog Day on June 21^st.

I’d still let him pass on the statue matter, only and only because I have never faced livelihood issues on a daily basis so wastage of ‘public money’ though massive doesn’t touch me directly and like several others, after a point, I fail to empathize.

But the International Yog Day disturbs me. The feeling it produces tugs at my heart in a way only those who feel what I do will understand and that’s why I choose to word it out.

If I know correctly, after several years of yogic practices, Modiji himself had chosen sainthood during or before his RSS years and had only returned because his Guru had asked him to. At the time, if I may dare say, even he must not have been aware of what the fate had in mind. But he listened to his guru, went on to join politics and as they say, the rest is history.

The International Yog Day as we all know is a worldwide event. 177 nations support it and if Wikipedia is true then it had the "highest number of co-sponsors ever for any UNGA Resolution of such nature." No wonder everyone is talking about International Yog Day; hoardings in malls, by the pavements, on the roads, pamphlets at the traffic signals, banners on the web, ads on YouTube, Instagram posts and 5 out of 10 tweets with the hash tag World Yog Day.

Modiji has achieved for International Yog Day what he has managed to for every other venture he has undertaken – create a buzz. And here is where my problem with this day starts. If one digs a little deeper, one would come to know that Yog is not a one day activity and that’s why celebrating it on a single day is not enough. Thorough knowledge of Yogic science along with enough stress on regular practice requires years of persuasion and diligence. A single day event can excite people enough to enroll in classes and make resolutions to practise every day, but we all know what happens to New Year resolutions, don’t we?

I belong to advertising industry and know that each year clients plan activities around days such as Father’s Day, Mother’s day, etc., etc.. These activities are one e-mailer long, an entire campaign long or an entire day long. Sales increase, restaurants, malls and event management companies make money, media space sells at higher rates than normal and as night falls the frenzy dies down and we move on to writing copy for another day. So far, I have not seen long-term and thoughtful activities around days. And if you ask me I don’t see International Yog Day being treated any differently.

Though a lot of yog teachers are endorsing this move, there is one set of people who I think might remain unfazed or indifferent with the idea of International Yog Day; the authentic Yog teachers. I say this from personal experience, an experience of 21 days spent in an ashram in Rishikesh, that authentic Yog teachers give a rats ass about publicity. I can’t stress enough but they don’t want to teach a class of 60. They don’t want their classes filling up with queues stretching outside until the end of the corridor. They don’t want to be known in the elite circles neither do they want to indulge in superficial leading-no-where sort of intellectual conversations. All they care for and have been caring for is providing their limited amount of students, the real yog experience; the one that isn’t limited to practicing asans or meditating alone but the one that covers the Yams and Niyams, Asan, Pranayama, Dharana, Dhyan, Pratyahar and Samadhi, the whole nine yards because they know at the cellular level, what Yog really is and are committed to teaching just that. 

If Modiji’s dream is to see an asan practising, mindful, self-aware and a harmonious world then doing head stands on a large ground with thousand others every year on the 21^st June will not suffice. He should be working on a very comprehensive and a cohesive strategy that imbibes yog in the lives of people in a way that they start recounting the real reasons behind doing a particular asan like they remember ad jingles. He should concentrate on quality which gets lost when people in massive numbers are involved and not publicity. After all, Yog as he rightly said, but I have my doubts will achieve, “…is an invaluable gift of India's ancient tradition. It embodies unity of mind and body; thought and action; restraint and fulfilment; harmony between man and nature; a holistic approach to health and well-being. It is not about exercise but to discover the sense of oneness within yourself, the world and the nature...”

Some day last year

The wife stepped out to sell off her jewelry 

while the mother drove home a brand new Audi.

The husband sobbed, the son winked 

and irony rolled on the floor laughing.  

Dream catcher

these stars... i want them in radium on the ceiling. because i have a feeling, underneath their glow, i will sleep better.

closure, i believe, heals.

the same guy who is begging her to marry him now had previously called off the wedding. and she, the then pleading, all surrendering, self-condemning woman, turns him down and walks away.
had she not chosen to set out on her honeymoon, alone, her world would have ended for she did not become mrs. dhingra.
or worse if she had married him, she would have spent the rest of her life trying to become the image he had in mind, giving up her raw, beautiful and undiscovered self for his mediocre visions of a happily-ever-after. 
either ways, she would have been the loser and nothing, believe me nothing would have changed in the guy's life.
but in reel life, RANI lived on and the bad guy repented. life came a full circle for the broken, the beaten and the betrayed. 
and once more bollywood fulfilled a real life wish through a reel life story.  and found an ardent fan in me.