Eve teasing

If I begin to tell you people what happened today, I am sure half wont believe me! But girls trust me, if ever you have been stalked/stared at or harassed by wanna be's on road/on bikes/in the car/or any moving vehicle, this trick can do wonders.

I am sure most of the girls have been followed by guys on bikes/cars/sometimes even trucks more than once! Our first instincts are mostly to slow down and let them drive ahead of us or drive faster than them so that they cant follow us. Today was one of the those days and the guys in question were two men in police uniform on a bike. After trying to avoid their gaze, I was convinced I would stop by a traffic police wala and complain about them. Being stared by civilians gets me kicking their butts, these were police constables!! How irresponsible and totally intolerable!!! I was deciding when to stop and deciding what to tell them or the traffic guy, they had already crossed the guy and I followed them. And thats when it struck me... why was I trying to run away from these gits! Why on earth should I be taking all the pain to not look ahead and drive, so I drove exactly behind them, eyes on the pillion rider and I followed them like their shadow.

The effect -

The pillion rider thought I would go away. So he kept looking behind to check where was I. I tailed there bike like a shadow, honked and shooed others away in between and made sure they were not out of sight. The evil grin vanished from the pillion riders face, the turning of head was replaced by hesitant glances and he even once touched his back of the shirts(like I do when I am conscious when someone's staring there).

The one who was riding the bike, adjusted the rear view mirror. He stared into the mirror, I stared into his face in the mirror. His laughter vanished, I guess my unscathed stare unarmed him too and even he stopped staring. Finally, finally after tailing them for almost 15 minutes, I took a turn and they kept driving. And as far as I can remember, neither of them turned to get a second look.

Chaumasa nu aagmann amdavad ma

Looks like that atleast.

Everything is perfect. Life's good.

Happy Monsoons guys! :)

So much for eccentricity

What do you do when you plan a trip and it goes awry? If you were me you would Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbb and tell the whole world how useless the entire world is!!! And then when you are done venting you go out, shop for brown trousers, eat momos and sauted veggies drink some lemon daiquarri, vent out some more, go home, take the cousin out for getting mehendi doe on the hands, talk on the phone, tell some more people about the fiasco, make them laugh, return home, go online, play agony aunt to someone on facebook, skype with your best friend and cry your heart out about how the world is a cold ruthless place who does not understand the woes of a thirsty traveler/writer, watch 'How I met your mother', freak out, thank God, atleast Ted and Barney are eccentric, blog about it, fix a 4 meetings a week football session with a always-asking-for-pizza-treat pal and blog about that too!!!

An ode to Love

This poem is just what I could have used instead of words : PB Shelley's "To"

One word is too often profaned

For me to profane it;

One feeling too falsely disdained

For thee to disdain it;

One hope is too like despair

For prudence to smother;

And pity from thee more dear

Than that from another.

I can give not what men call love;

But wilt thou accept not

The worship the heart lifts above

And the heavens reject not, --

The desire of the moth for the star,

Of the night for the morrow,

The devotion to something afar

From the sphere of our sorrow?

Less of the real thing, more about the idea of it!!!

Relationships have always amused me and more often its people's perspectives about a particular feeling that gets me thinking. These days its love(or like??) between a man and a woman that has caught my attention. The context in which the word love is used has been transformed to such an extent, the intentions are so disguised its hard to tell whose looking for what.

There is so much ado about the priorities and ironically love has no place. Everyone is making plans for themselves, everyone is looking forward to a great career and love has taken a back seat full time. The irony comes when laws of attraction work despite the noise people make about 'no time for love'. Neither can they overlook it and nor does the mind let them surrender. So ways are worked out and things are carefully planned.

Planned! Love and planning... I guess so many thoughts have build up in my head, it had to peak and had to come out. And this is exactly what has been running through my head... infact much more..

Okhay... so you can't commit! You have your plans to make a great career, work is the only priority, love can wait sweetie... Yeah yeah... I have heard this more than I can remember. Tell me something new. Tell me something real, something believable.

But wait, how can you? Haven't you already blurred the lines between real and unreal? Haven't you already made sure you come across as fiercely independent, very focussed as long as work goes and extremely diplomatic when it comes to love. Don't you prefer partying and hanging out together to promising forevers? Don't you say 'love yous' too often and take great care not to add 'I's' to the phrase?

The hype that you create about love reminds me of milk powder ad commercials. Do you see real milk commercials? No na. The same is with love. Stop talking about it, start experiencing it!

How is it that you can go on flirting and flinch at the idea of spending the whole life together? Why do words like eternity and commitments send you running in the opposite directions? Do money, power and promotion have the same effect on you?

Do you realize the hypocrisy that is so much a part of you is not letting you experience the purest of the emotions? Do you know, perfectionism, that you are seeking, comes at a cost? And what freedom are you talking about huh? Do you leave home because your parents are strict? Why do you expect your girl friend to be so accommodating? Would you be as flexible as you would want her to be? You want everything that happens between normal couples, but you don't want to adjust like they do.

Why such ironies?

Emotions mein milavat!

Something as simple as a 'Do you love me?', would make my sense of reasoning work overtime and stop me from replying to that, even if I was dying to. Though its rare to come across people who say, feel, speak and express with honesty these day, even if I had comes across someone like that, I'm sure my left logic monkey head wouldn't have let me be.

People my age, plan and get into relationships. Don't need to go far away, I am a living example of that. I tried to plan love and relationships. I tried 'knowing him first and then decide if I was compatible with him.' But no, it doesn't work for me. I don't understand planning in the areas where heart is involved. I don't believe long distance relationships don't work because if that was true, kids wouldn't have stayed away from parents, spouse wouldn't have moved away to earn for their families. Love between a girl and a boy is as strong as love in any relationship. How can distances separate you from your loved ones? In trying to be like everyone else, I lost that individual belief but now I have concluded, my original beliefs were true. Distances or no distances, love remains if it really has to.

Either I can think or I can love. Both can never go hand in hand. And why should they? Are relationships like business deals? Crack hui to brilliant, nahi to koi nahi, aage badh jaayenge! I am any day comfortable in straight away committing to someone rather than being in two minds and taking chances.

* * *

Even today when mamma calls and coaxes me to try coming to USA, I give her reasons for why shouldn't I be doing that. I tell her, 'Mere career ka kya? What kind of direction do I give to my life? Yeah, I'll come to USA somehow, lekin uske baad kya?' And she understands and we change the topic. And this repeats every on every second call.

Career... at the cost of what? I have a great extended family, I have more freedom than most girls get to see or experience but I have to listen to my mum cry on every phone call. I have to listen to ma and Vini speak to me on the phone, see me on the webcam and imagine how or what they must be doing. When mum puts me on hold and talks to her or dadda, the whole scene materialises in front of me, right from what they would be wearing, how things must be placed in the house, where they all must be sitting to what they have cooked for dinner. I listen to ma make plans about coming to India, getting me married and then taking me away with her. Do I have any other option other than listening, imagining and assuming? I don't even get my daily doses of huggs, neither the kisses nor the pecks or cuddles!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even get to sit in dadda's lap, neither do I get to crack jokes with vini or gang up against ma!!!

If only I had a magic wand...

She cried despite the comfort of her dad's lap and strong arms. She wanted to break into a flurry but broke down instead. She was 5. She had been through this even last year. Her dad sang the lullabys longer than usual, wiped off the tears while she shamelessly cried and howled, cajoled her with her favourite candy floss, whispered promises into her ears until she dreamt and finally slept.

She loved the candles. They brought her hope and many warm memories. Every night she would light one and say a small prayer. The dad would wait patiently at her door, listening to the "prayer of wishes". Sometimes he would smile, sometimes just stare at her earnest face and sometimes pray along with her.

They had learnt to live or lets say they had to learn to live. One year without the lady of the house had not been enough for either to cope with the loss but he woke up to life and surrendered to practicality because he knew he had his daughter to take care of.

Every day of the last one year had been trying for him. He had two roles to perform. He had to wake her up in the morning and take her to the loo, help her brush, put her on the commode, help her with the routine, wait until she was done, fill her bath tub, undress her and let her play while he ran inside the kitchen to make their breakfast, run back to her, dry her, dress her up, feed her and wait with her until the school bus took her away, come back, eat in a hurry while trying to dress up and rushing into the busy office hours.

The evening were just as busy. He had to help her with the homework, answer her endless questions while he readied dinner for both, sing her lullabys, tip-toe out of her room to finally relax, undress and cosy up inside his bed, with thoughts of past and one lingering question: 'How could she manage it?'.

Only if he knew, only if he could find her, only if he could answer her little girl. He had tried hard to locate her and had failed miserably. He had slowly started believing that it was his fault why she wasn't with him anymore. He conjured up a million reasons why she had walked out on him. He had found comfort in condemning himself. Where else could the comfort come from? He knew he would never experience bliss again because bliss was with her. He knew he had a daughter to take care of and he couldn't afford another life, hopes, cries and misery. So he lived on, raising his li'l one with all the love and selflessness.

One year had gone by but not without realisation. It was days and months collated together by memories that were attached to every corner of the house, every place in the city, in pictures, in talks, in his daughter's eyes and laughter.

Today was her daughter's birthday and like last year she had waited for her mum to turn up and give her a surprise. Her innocent and anxious face gave one more reason to condemn himself. Afterall he was the one who had made her believe that mum was away, busy with work and would definitely come for her birthday. And like last year when she didn't turn up and his daughter demanded for her, he had no answers, just lots of random gifts in a hope to compensate for her mother's absence.

The daughter was stubborn. She bunked school and stayed home not wanting to miss meeting her mum in case she was away. Her dad missed office too and stayed back home to watch her wait. And when the evening came and her dad lit up the candles on the cake, she felt a load in the pit of her stomach, the unknown unexplicable feeling and the only way she could express was through anger and cries. He picked her up in his arms and sat himself on the rocking chair. He held her close while she weeped and complained. He recalled her last years birthday and prepared himself for this day for many more years to come. He somehow convinced her that mum would be here for her next but at the back of his mind an ambiguous 'for how long?' trailed off...

Coffee Conversations and more

It is 5 am when Gar's granny opens her bedroom door. "Are you mad girl?"
Ugh uh Gar thought... She whispered into the cell phone, "Hang on." and putting the cell phone face down looked at her granny. "Hmmm..", she muttered trying to sound sleepy, unable to open her eyes.
"Kiske saath lagi padi hai itni raat ko?"
Being dramatic is in Gar's blood. She puts up an even bigger act, "Hmmm.. kya? Phone? What are you saying?"
Gran mutters a few pata-nahi-itni-raat-ko-kiske-saath-lagi-hui-hai type sentences and leaves the room.

Gar speaks into the phone, "Phew... Stupid female!!!!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha...", came a very stifled and a hollow laughter from the other side of the phone.
"And now my gran thinks I have a boyfriend!", Gar whispered into the phone, "Chal, lets sleep now... Shit! Can you believe its 5 am!! I just din't realise man... "
"Hee hee neither did I. Yeah lets sleep.. Are we meeting tomorrow?", asked the voice.
"Yeah, we should right? Otherwise it will be another week before we can see each other.", replied Gar.
"Yeah see ya tomorrow then. Goodnight baby."
"Goodnight!"



Yet another lazy Sunday evening. Gar is with her 5 am conversation best bud Vidya sitting at a Barista scrolling through the menu, figuring out what to order.

"A skinny Mocha for me please.", says Gar to the waiter.
Vidya gives her infamous 'rolled-eyes' look and says to the waiter, "Make it two."
They sit themselves in a corner. Gar puts on her typical cafe-behaviour which is to remove her shoes and wrap her legs with her hands and rest her head sideways and close her eyes. Vidya waits until she is finished and says, "I guess I ovulated just now."
"How can you tell?"
"It's the pain... a different kind of pain. I can tell", says Vidya.
"Brilliant.. I can never remember my term dates."
"Well, you have peaceful periods anyway. You don't have to worry."
"Yeah.. :) touchwood!"
Gar is half lying on the couch. She looks away and scans the room. Her swaying vision is concentrating on nothing particular. Suddenly she recollects something she has to tell Vidya.
"You know what happened today? While I was coming to pick you up? This bloody richshaw wala bumped into me and c@#$%#! shouted at me for no reason!"

"And what was your reaction?"
"You think I won't shout back huh? I shouted back man... He he.. he was scared.. but saala richshaw mein se chilla raha tha.. bada mard ban raha tha!" Gar is upright, animated, excited and hyper. Vidya listens to her story with the same calm and composure like she is meditating on Gar's story. She has stopped flinching at Gar's swear-filled conversations. Afterall, it's been ten years since they first met.
It's Vidya's turn to pick on some other topic. She chooses Gar's latest crush, Jigar. "Did he call?"
"No and I don't think he will."
"Why?", inquired Vidya.
"Because I have a hunch he is not serious. He is just playing around. And I don't think I want to know him more."
"But if he called you after leaving the city it means he is interested doesn't it?"
The skinny mochas arrive and Gar pours one sugar into each cup, stirs and speaks at the same time.

"Well he is interested I know. But in what I don't. And I am in no mood to test my own feelings. I am pretty much settled and need a settled person to be with. Not the 'Lets see how this works types'."
"But you never know. It might just click. What's the harm in giving it a shot?", suggests Vidya.
"Give what a shot? It isn't like he has left the city and is texting me he misses me. It is nothing like what normal people to when they are beginning to fall in love. "

"But he's said he likes you.", says Vidya

"Like is a very vague word honey.", says Gar and as an afterthought adds, "I am better off being on my own."
"Right. And you have me, you definitely don't need anyone", adds Vidya
"Yes..ha ha.. my secret boyfriend", winks Gar and they both giggle away over cups of coffee.


Gar reaches home just after 9 pm. She goes to the kitchen to make rotis for her when her granny asks, "Kaun tha 5 baje raat ko?"

"Mulle ki daud mazjid tak dadi. Kaun ho sakta hai?", Gar answered while rolling out the dough on the chapati slab.

"Vidya? You silly girls. Pura din kam hota hai jo raat ko 5 baje phone par lage hote ho."Gars' dadi is beyond surprised!

"We both are busy na. And today was a sunday so we thought we could just make use of time."

"Isse to achha yehi hota ke tum dono boyfriends bana lete." Said the granny and went into the living room. Gar whispered very softly after her, "Uska to hai!" and spread some butter on her roti while she does a giggle-smile and quickly texts Vidya updating her about what just happened.

Garima

They all gawked at the TV. Jack Sparrow swaggered and ranted in his heavy accent. All but Garima stared at the TV screen. After all she was in a household that gorged on soap operas. Sensing the impatience, Garima got up to go upstairs. Her aunt shouted behind her, 'Ruk ja...' and her voice trailed off. Garima looked at her and realized the maid had just mopped the stairs. She still climbed on and heard her aunt whispering to the maid about how mindless she was. It was nothing new, Gar had known her aunt long enough to mind her back biting but this particular day it irritated. It was a Sunday and Gar was in any mood but to listen to her aunt's 'hows, what-to-do's and various other everyday rules. She switched on the tele and closed the room.

Pirates cooled off her head. She took a power nap and went downstairs to eat her lunch. She slept off again. At 5 she was woken up for chai. While sipping her cuppa, her periphery vision told her that as usual her aunt was staring at her legs. It occurred to her then, that she was wearing shorts. Ugh uh- she thought. But she had learnt to neglect stares from her aunt as well.

She was planning to go out when the mobile rang. It was some family friends who were coming over for a visit.

'Can't you change into a pajama?'

'It's very hot.'

'But you're 25! What will you do when you get married? Tabhi bhi ghar par shorts pehenkar ghumegi? Ab ladki nahi hai tu. Aurat ban chuki hai!'

'What? Aurat, Ladki what? Main 25 saal ki l-a-d-k-i hun. And whats the harm in wearing shorts?'

'Tere umar ki kaunsi ladki shorts pehenti hai?'

'Main pehenti hun. Aur kisiko dikhane ke liye nahi. I'm comfortable so I wear it. And about being an aurat.. sab dimaag mein hai.'

There was silence. The aunt gave up.. like always because she was not used to listening to things as and how they were. Garima went into a verbal diarrhea with her alter ego about the kind of people she was living with and left the room.

4th April 2010 - Adalaj ni Vav

I went to adalaj ni vav last saturday and tried capturing the place in the best possible manner. Here is a result of my attempts. Please do comment.

Feedback for the first assignment

Thats the feedback for my first assignment. It doesn't clearly say I am bad but does make suggestions which would mean that I need improvement. I did read 'well written', 'descriptive' and 'interesting' at different intervals but it does not pep me up completely. But I am glad the arrival of this atleast gave me something to blog about!