Utility chamber and a volley of thoughts

As I lay sprawled over the roof top of my pent house I felt a subtle calm spread all over me. The winds playing with my hair,tickling my senses so much that the smile stubbornly stayed on my lips for a very long time. Discovery of this place had been very welcoming, especially after a long, hectic and a wasted day at college. Looking up at the blue sky I spread my arms wide open hoping to take in whatever my vision would let me, hugging tight, clinging on to the sky as if for some kinda assurance. I thought to myself, it was not so bad afterall. I could always climb up and come to this place to find that one thing that I missed all day......being myself. The distant lights signify something....I dont know what...maybe they tell me that there is always a beginning to an end.. I could lie on that cold white glittering stone forever...the touch with the cold floor distracts me for a while..takes my mind to a place where I dont have to listen to people who dont make sense,who laugh for no reason, who never have a straight Yes or No for an answer.

The entire apartment under my feet and the interminable sky above..I stand up and walk to the edge..just one step closer and I will be counting micro-seconds before I hit the ground. I keep looking down for a long time waiting to come over the urge to jump.nah!!!dont u think I m upset or given up on life.......I just find it amusing. The steady smile says it all. And now I suddenly realise....had I been home I wouldnt have been able to think all of this..perhaps I would have been doing something menial...most of things that u do are menial(on second thoughts),you just have to prioritise them. And now as I stand here I tell myself this place is no less than a chamber itself with air acting as concrete and the sky which has now turned black, as the roof. Its my chamber where I can look anywhere, think anything, confess, criticise, just anything. Its a place where I need no breathers..Its a place where all my thoughts fall obediently in line as beads would onto a thread,one after another, some coming in bundles, the rest slowly, lazily. Get a grip you would say...hark!! This is where I let my self loose, become vulnerable and stand naked and surrender to the realms of reality. The roof-top does justice to its title which I will give it now-The Utility chamber.

I have sat here for more than an hour now thinking hard,harder. What would happen if tomorrow never came..is that possible??..ha ha..I laugh out aloud without even realising it..its inevitable..and the sun will rise from the east..it has to.

Astrologers and my Mamma.....God save Us!!!

As I opened the door to let Mamma enter, her smiling face told me her encounter with our fate-decider had been successful(she kissed me you know!!!). According to her(the palmist) my and my kid sister's future is going to be very very bright. I will do wonders in the technical field(yeah sure...ask me!!!!) and my sis will surely be a doctor,dentist (watever!!). While my dear mamma was narrating the incident I had already started cerebrating(I think too much you know!!).

Performing well in the technical field!!! HA HA HA!!! Thats like Charlie Chaplin doing a Devdas!! Now I am not going to get into the details of my forlorn attempts to study(refer-myfirst blog!!!).What I am trying to highlight here is how immaculately the palmist got my mum to believe the unbelievable. She(mamma) makes me wonder when she believes what she hears and not what she sees!! But her readiness to accept the impossible is justified.

Sometimes what you want becomes the truth and not what you are.You tend to accomodate your reality in the peripheries of convinience. Guess thats what drives the world............and my Mum!!!

Introduction

I know its very boring but cant skip it either! 'My parents named me Nidhi' sounds very cliched so I will device some other strategy to introduce myself .Please bear with me! Umm..here I go....

Mamma calls me raja beta,Daddy calls me Nidha or betiaa and my dear sister calls me Nidhidi.Now dont get confused with my real name.For the rest of the world i am N-I-D-H-I. I hate it when people other than those mentioned above twist and turn my name(putting aside a few of them!).It gets on my nerves when i am addressed as nids..........Uffff!!! Thats so so artificial! Why am i making an issue out of it,well think again.Its my identity after all and i decide how i should be known.So i think thats done with.

I am NIDHI and not nids!

Come to think of this,if in school days you scored the highest in languages without even making any efforts and you dreamt of becoming a doctor(it has always been an -in thing)simultaneously it shouldnt come as a surprise that I went with the trend and ended up in the science stream(dint know then that I was messing it up for myself!).Its only after looking at the thick books,the so very complicated formulas and the numericals of physics that I failed to solve I concluded 'All that glitters is not Gold!!!' But what was done couldnt be undone and so i continued like several others anticipating and wishing the outcome to be favourable. But God's a hell lot smarter, He gave me just what I deserved! Marks that I could never boast about.They decided my life thereafter. Here again I made the mistake of going with the trend. I took up the engineering course, Information Technology to be precise.I still remember the day I took this decision.I had made a promise to myself that I wud make the best out of what was offered to me.And so i stepped into yet another phase of my life with bundles of hope and expectations. Expectations from myself, of proving my worth to none but Me!! Yeah by now you all are aware of how much Me is important to me! I failed again(and I am ashamed of it!) but I dont regret it.One thing that I am satisfied about is that I have always got what I deserved,not an inch more or less.And I thank God for that! I am still struggling hard to get accustomed to my college atmostphere,the people there,the timings! But then agar ab tak kat gayi hai to aage bhi kat hi jaayegi.With this thought I try and comfort myself.What are my future plans..uh-huh(cough!! cough!!)I will come to it once I am done with other important things in my life like........

My Family
I can write an essay on them.Who's who?? I can go on and on about all of them because for me they r the Gods most unique creations,chiselled to perfection!

Mamma :- They say mum's are best friends but for me Mamma(as i so lovingly call her!) is my wrestling partner!! Why?! Though I am 20 it doesnt change a thing for her.You can still find her running behind me with either a broom-stick or a bathroom slipper in the house.No no!! I dont pester her to that extent,but its just her temper that cant stay under the limitline for more than a second.She is a wild cat on look-out for a prey(Need I say the prey is Me!!!). Daddy is fed up to the degree of not interfering or advicing either of us anymore. But my Mamma is one of a kind!! Everything about her makes me proud of her(Hope she feels the same about me!!). The similarities that I share with her are surprisingly many! Take our choice of food for example.She gorges on sweets and I too have inherited her sweet tooth. One more thing that I have from her is a nice complexion (pimplefree and blemishes free!!!).Mooooooooaaaaaaaaaah. She is the cutest thing!! Her ways and little gestures(even when she claps!!!!), all of them just make her so so adorable!!!
Love you Mamma!!!!!

Daddy :- The Man!!! Its not that he is my father and so loving him becomes obvious or a duty but its his impeccabilty that makes me respect him,trust him without any questions raised. For me his is the last word. "Brahm-Vaakya", thats what jokingly my mum would tell me. Like so many others I am a daddy's girl!! I have seen him smoothen over the years. His has been a journey from this energetic,vigorous,spontaneous young boy to a patient dad and a wiser human-being. And i am proud and blessed to have him as my dad.And know what? I dont even call him dad or daddy or papa,he is Dadda for me!!!! I dont remember calling him anything else other than that. His patience,his strongmindedness,everything, just everything about him makes me his all time fan. He is a self-made man,something that i take pride in telling anyone and everyone who would hear.
Whatever he has is his' and his only. Mum thinks I am hopelessly in love with him. My admiration for him automatically makes me compare any other guy who enters my life with him. None have been able to match up to him and so its no surprise that I am once again single!
I can dedicate the entire blog to him,but i will save the good for later.


Let me come to the most beautiful girl(after me obviously!!!....ha ha..kidding!!!).
My darling kid sister.........

Vini :- Ours I would say is a man to man bonding. No girly shit!! Plain sense. She is the one who I cry in front of, rather the only person. Her most envious quality is being absolutely non-judgemental about everything and anything. So she automatically become my secret-keeper!! She is not exactly that expressive with words but she understands everything(surprising enuff as she is so just 16!).She has surely grown up beyond her age and well before time(the trait inherited from Dadda!!). The best are the times when we both get together put on our fav song(Sutta!) and sing it loud and clear!!! She simply loves swearing, what all that she knows(from her pals and majority from me!).If mum wud ever hear us speak she wud faint.The only thought of that makes me roll with laughter!! I feel lucky to have her with me.
Mwaaaah!!!!! babieeeeeeee !!!


So thats about it!! My Introduction in detail.I wonder how many of you have read every line of this(Hardly any!!).
Like i care!!!