I am so agitated now. As if my whole world has crumbled to pieces. I feel so lost. I dread the weekends because they make me realize how far I am from the ones I love and want to be with. It is these times when my mind is shouting questions. Why?? What was the need? We all were so happy together then why did we have to part ways? You say go with the flow and go where life takes you. But wasn't this what we chose? We could have chosen something else. We could have chosen to be together. It is so easy to think positive when your surrounded by all the loved ones. It sucks when you have to face everything alone. After being a part of the daily routine here I realize the more I understand the more there is to understand. It is such a complicated matter. I can't share it with anyone because I don't know anyone here. I try talking about it with my two favourite people but they have their own life too. I don't want to look like I am cribbing all the time. I am torn between behaving good and speaking my heart out. The constant conflict between keeping my self-respect intact, keeping mum because that is what all good, mature people do and feeling frustrated with every second thats passing by, I am lost totally and looking for the right direction...
5 comments:
hey nidhi.. visited ur blog after quite a long time... now though i dunno much bout where u r at present but i can very well percieve the agony in ur last blog... u know u realise the importance of havin ur loved ones close to u only wen they're not there with u... now i ve faced a similar situation in my life n all i can say is that i think ur last 2 blogs signify that u actually are goin in the right direction... n hopefully wherever u r, u ll find some1 2 share ur 'realities n wishes' with.. all the best 4 ur new life(though a li'l late now).
"I try talking about it with my two favourite people but they have their own life too."... nidhi read ur blog after long and yeh line read karne ke baad all I want to say is that we ppl are very much attached to each other. Our life is not completed without each other. Sharing stuff and little little stupid problems with each other has become part of our relation. We 3 cannot do without it. Time as taken us far from each other, things have changed a lot, but our relation can never change...it can just mature n grow with time. Aditi will completely agree to it!!!! So u don’t hv to think much before telling us anything sweetheart!!! kabhi bhi yeh nahi sochna ki we ppl now have our separate life n sharing probs is like bugging us... aisa tu sochegi ya aisa hoga toh aapne logo ki dosti ka bhi koi matlab hoga kya... nahi na?? isliye wapas bolti hun uss language mai jo tere ko samajh aayegi "kamini aapne dimaag ke ghoode jyada maat dodaya kar...especially jab akeli ho tabb toh bilkul nahi... mai saath hun tabb jo sochna hai sochna... kyunki tere dimaag mai jo bhussa bhara hua hai na usko mai handle kar sakti hun...samjhi!!" love u!!!
It does not matter whether you get to talk to your loved ones... sometimes memories leave such strong impressions that you learn to live with them. You have been gifted with resilience to face things alone and you have done that before also. take comfort from your self esteem, your commitment to life, to love, to all those things you believe in. Things would not be nice but wont be stagnant.
People should read this.
hey nidhi.
u got to let go of things some times. holding on to it will only cause pain. life has to move on..
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