These days I have become obsessed with anything that says media.The word stirs someting in me. It is an attention grabber. Six months into my post graduation and it has changed the way I watch adverts on tele, billboards or even movies. Let me say I consume these commodities in a very different way now! Oops! Thats sheer media-infected talks. But I like this. The whole media-buzz and the way it fills me up. This area comes with a lot of temptations. The glamour, the adrenaline high, deadlines that make u sweat, random working hours and limitless excitement. I read an article and re-write it in my mind. I see an advert and come up with different punch lines. What more, I even imagine some weird ways of approaching people for jobs. Some really random, freaky ways! One of these days I am going to try these tactics. They should work. Instincts tell me, there is some difference between people who do random jobs and the people who do the 'right' job. Right job comes to smart people and other jobs, to others. I know I want to be in media. I know I will be. Because this is what I want. This is what I eat, sleep, drink and eat everyday and night.
I am glad there is a clear cut vision atleast on the career front.

About other spheres.... its all part of the grander design and like dev anand would sing...

Jo mil gayaa usi ko muqaddar samajh liya,
Jo kho gaya usko bhulata chala gaya,
Main zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya,
har fikr ko dhuyein mein udata chala gaya...

1:27 pm... I am eagerly awaiting somebody's arrival. Like D said.. waiting to breathe freely. There is tension in the air. Since morning there have been no exchange of words. No conversation whatsoever. But the situation can not be straightened because it has been complicated beyond repair. Within a few hours I am going to be all on my own. For the first time, independent in the real sense. With no obligations to fulfill or no more compromised decision-makings. Its all going to be new, fresh, a start. The excitement is waiting to surface one these few tricky moments are over. I am counting minutes now... Anytime soon now I will see a car come in the drive-way and off I will go. He he I smiled just thinking of the new surroundings, the new people, the newness in whole! God! Be with me...

Here's to my freedom which is priceless!
Mwaaaaaahhhhhhh!!

Another volley of thoughts...

I was going through one of my friends wedding/honeymoon pictures. There was one picture where she sat in the doli blankly posing for the camera. I cried looking at that one. Because it hurt that none of us were present with her at such an important juncture of her life. I missed being there with her. I knew she was not happy. She had been pushed into this. She had cried the last time I saw her in Ahmedabad. I wasn't looking at her vidaai pictures and crying thinking I would go through the same. What hurt me more was how alone she looked. And then my thoughts drifted towards something else. I thought to myself..What the hell! We make so much of fuss about marriage, love and dream-boys. I have spent hours thinking about a good life, a settled future. My whole life- how I want it to be 10 years down the line. It is so real that I can almost touch it and then there is her... my reality check. Making me realize how important it is to live in the present. Sometimes I am concerned when I keep on waiting for the best to happen to me. I worry losing out on what is being offered...
Oh sweetheart! Be happy and remain so forever. I would love to see you falling in love with this guy who you call your husband now. Wishing you lots of happiness and well-being.


PS : Cliche - Life is about moving forward...
Ideologies should be updated drawing onto new experiences moulding the mind, ridding oneself of rigidity.

Is this you?

Emerging stronger everyday? Waging a constant war with oneself? Making decisions and breaking promises every day? Its one of those pieces which has been forwarded over and over again and yet it makes sense to everyone who needs some assurance that life is not bad after all. It made a difference to me. Read on maybe this is exactly what you have been looking for.

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your
list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better... Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person... You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

- Thanks Abhishek(My angel for the day)

Comprehending 'U, Me aur Hum'

''Apne rang gavaye bin mere rang mein ghul jaayo.
Apni dhoop bujhao bin meri chaaon mein aa jao.
Chalo yun karein..
tum, tum bhi raho,
Main, Main bhi rahoon,
Hum, hum bhi rahein..''.

U, Me aur Hum, wouldn't have struck me had it not been for this amazing song. I grasped the full meaning of this wonderful song while I was out brisk walking. The ear plugs had me fully attentive to the song in its entirety. The simplicity of the lyrics justify the profoundness of its concept.

''Jaise badal paani ka yaarana hai.
Jaise gul aur khushboo ka dostana hai.
Vaise hi rahe hum tum vaise hi jeeye hum tum
Tere mere haath mein koi bhi pinjra na ho
Ek dusre par apna haq to ho, kabza na ho
Har haal mein tum, tum bhi raho...''

My dad once explained how its only a mum who has the capacity to love unconditionally and paying off her debt is impossible atleast in one lifetime. I have understood that after being away from her. Infact, I understand that its true wherever love is involved. If I aim at learning to let go (as I have always been trying hard to, saying it first so that I do practice it later) its not easy, I can vouch for that. Nevertheless, If I do try that it would help me. Its more like purification through introspection. Because I believe, the wiser one becomes, the broader the horizons grow, the more generous one is. Thats why I love the line 'ek dusre par apna haq to ho, kabza na ho.'

''Ek din to woh lamha bhi aana hai,
Dono mein se ek ne chale jaana hai.
Baat hai sabhi ho to,
Jaan le abhi hum tum.
Dono mil ke saath mein aise jeena sikh lein,
Taaki jo peeche rahe usko hona mushkilein.
Chale yun jeeyein
'gar main na rahoon,
ya tum na raho,
hum, hum hi rahein.
Jaise saaya saath chale saath rahe har dum
U me aur Hum...''.

Aiming for the austerity, paving my way to reach the Ultimate Complexity..