My inexplicable waves of motivation

What a weird title for a post.. but thats my state of mind this morning. Is it the effect of Indian winning Pakistan, I do not know. But this morning I felt inspiration returning back. You may ask, why say return? Because life becomes a ridiculous lull after very short intervals and you don't realize you have been lacking inspiration until you feel it again.

So how is this motivation reflecting upon my mindset? Well, its a big sign of me coming back to my senses. It is giving my the affirmation that all that I have ever believed in is true. It is telling me that all that I have learned from experiences is a universal fact. It is telling me that, life is too big to get stuck in trivial matters, to lose your individuality, to lose yourself.And I think we all have a tendency to lose ourselves to our circumstances. It may happen not too often or it might happen every now and then, but what matters is whether you regain your originality.

As I speak of staying the same.. I feel a weird sort of detachment from everyone. This particular feeling has an amazing calming effect. It's like breathing slow and breathing right. To up the detachment quotient, I just saw "free hugs" campaign which has moved me deep within. Sick puppies are so right when they say "And I'll take you for who you are. If you take me for everything. And do it all over again. It's all the same."

Have you ever thought that if everyone is stripped off their inhibitions and apprehensions we all are no different than one another. And the real us is definitely lovable. And when we all are just the same what's the hulla balloo of being good/bad/beautiful/ugly. We all boil down to a few simple facts - we want to be loved and cared for, we want to be owned and we want to be told that we are good.

.....

Well, well.. eccentricity is taking its toll! Today is detachment day.. motivation day.. originality regained day.. call it whatever.. its my day basically and I am lovin' it!

Because I am absolutely the opposite of you!

Is what cheentie told me when I thanked her for reading my blogs!

She referred to the common friend's mum's health and we discussed about life's uncertainties, attachments and the pain it brings. In the moment of pause there hit a realization that here is a girl who follows my blogs and takes them seriously. Maybe she doesn't know but I will word it out here- it means the world to me cheentie.. and you know it because you have been around for the longest time. As I thanked her for following my blog, she said to me "I like your writing style. Its fun to read. You can express very well and you are lucky that you have that gift." I said to her " Thank you for noticing my gift". And prompt came her reply - "I notice because I am the exact opposite." This statement brought a smile to my face because at that very moment I was thinking of telling her the same.

Because I think and analyse too much, I sprinted down the memory lane and thought of the times I had gotten annoyed with her because she lacked the skill to word her feelings. I remember getting irritated by her incapability to communicate well. I recollected times when she listened to me and I waited for her to react. How frustrated I was!

But when she put in words her lack of expressiveness.. some knots of distance loosened and I felt close to her instantly.

Lack of expressions or too much of expressiveness.. does any of it matter.. I wonder. Me and cheentie have known each other for almost 10 years. We have gone from being extremely talkative to being busy to becoming distant. There were instances when I my over expressiveness caused me to think I had lost her. But in those times, it was her inexpressiveness that kept us bounded. She might not have said exactly the words I would have wanted her to say, but at this point it all seems frivolous.

Aren't relationships about imperfect people trying to stick together? Aren't relationships about unresolved fights, unfulfilled expectations and unsorted instances? Isn't each of us dealing with something or the other with someone? If yes is an answer to all of this then I reckon me and cheentie have faired pretty well.

I'd give a 10 on 10 to us because she is absolutely the opposite of what I am and thats what makes us... PERFECT TOGETHER!!! :)

This is to - Life

One more incidence that leaves me speechless. I am humbled by the little boys courage. I am sad for what is happening to him. I am amazed to see him keep his face straight, while his red eyes give away the pain he feel when he tells me about his mums deteriorating health. In times like this, you would want to turn your head up in the sky and question God why would he let a 23 year old go through all this. Isn't it time for him to think of career. Isn't it time for him to have girl friends. Isn't it his time to be carefree like a child?

Well all I can figure out here is that this is life. and I dedicate this blog to this boy and this life that he lives with his head held high. To life that will always surprise and shock. To life that will always let you down, that will break confidence and shatter your faith, that will make you wait and when your done waiting present you with what you always wanted. This is to that life which offers opportunities and disappointments and in the same order, that takes you at the peak when you no more are hopeful. This is to life which I feel in those motivated moments. This is to life that is sometimes frivolous, sometimes simple and sometimes way beyond my understanding.

Surprise from "The guy" :P

Two days back a school junior added me on facebook. Then she spoke to me later in the day and then called me the next day and insisted we meet up for coffee. The conversation went something like this :

"Hi"

"Hi"

"How are you?"

"Good, thanks. You?"

"Where do you work?"

"At Ashram Road"

"Lets meet"

"Sure, tell me when."

"Today?"

"How about Saturday?"

"I want to see you today but?"

I am mildly surprised by the enthusiasm she has to catch. I am secretly happy that there are girls out there like that. I readily agree to meet her. Infact I invite her to my place for coffee. We promise to co-ordinate and meet at around 6 pm.

At 5:15 we decide to meet near a shoe store. I reach there and am waiting for her when someone else, who I did not expect in the least to be there, arrive. His french beard suits him. His glasses make him look geeky. His smile reaches his eyes. His face has the same genuinity that they always had. Its Vish.. bacchhe as I lovingly call him, my school junior, my eccentric chat friend.

I am a bit stupid in reacting to that surprise from him. I don't completely get off my activa instead hug him half sitting. We look at each other for full two minutes and smile harder than ever. From behind comes the lady who insisted on having coffee that very evening. She is a common friend. Infact the real connection is that they both are classmates and are my school juniors.

I thank her for the surprise. Inside my head I am still a little taken aback by this gesture from Vish. He has no idea he unintentionally cheered me up. I was cribbing about loneliness et all remember? Well Vish's visit proved to be a total mood uplifter.

Coming back to the scene, Vish hops onto my activa and we drive to someplace where we can eat. While driving he tells me "I did it!" and I ask him what. "Surprise someone on my birthday" and I go oops.. its your birthday! then I suddenly remember wishing him on his fb wall and think of my stupidity of not remembering it when he is with me. So after we reach municipal market I hug him once more properly and wish him happy birthday. He smiles hiskid like smile and we head to Cheers.

While sitting together he reminds me of the blog he wrote for us. Its called She's the man, I am the guy. I smile at him and his thoughtful ways. He stares at me a little more than usual and I wonder whats going on in his head. We order non-grilled white bread purohit sandwich(his favourite) and sugar cane juice. While we wait we update each other about our lives. We discuss his random eccentricity, the love of his life, his various crushes, his goals, the realities, the responsibilities and what not!

After about an hour and half we return home. The meet is short because its a regular working day and I have certain chores to get done with. But the meet was nice. Although the time was less we had a great time. I don't know when I get to see him next but I'd like to thank him for surprising him on his birthday! Such gestures are hard to forget.. thanks bachhe! You did make my day!

Such a wasted day at work!

I am trying to keep my eyes open, my mind wants coffee, my sore throat is wanting hot ginger tea. Its hot in here and people are quietly doing their work. My work is reviewed by my colleague.

A gtalk friend pings me and asks have I written any fiction lately. I tell him I have not been able to find time. He tells me I should let him know if I write fiction again. I wonder why. He signs off and I am back with myself sitting on this chair still waiting for the review to get over.

Today everything looks so frivolous. I just thought of my colleague who recently got engaged. We all notice the new changes in her. We joke about her incessant talks with her fiance amongst ourselves.

Now I am thinking about my career and the way its going. Where am I headed? Do I like this place? Do I want a change? Is there job satisfaction? Would I trade good colleagues and flexibility/freedom of a start-up with better salary and pressure of a brand company? Right now.. I just have one answer.. I don't know.

I guess I know who I should be speaking to..

Save your best for me

Once again I find a song that lifts my mood up and peps me up. I love it for the guitarrrr. I love it for the lyrics. I love it for the feelings that produced such meaningful words.

Its by Steve Reynolds btw.

And here are the lyrics :

Your needs and my needs ain't always in line.

Your wants are your wants.

They're not always the same as mine.

And your love is your love,

But it ain't always the forgivin' kind.

And your ways are your ways.

But I hope you'll keep me in mind.

And your maze is your maze.

But I know you'll get through it fine.

And your world is your world.

But I know you'll be home at night.

Save your best for me.

And we'll lay it all down.