The celestine prophecy is true!

I stopped reading "Break ke baad" ka review and came here to quickly blog. Why? Because the review said something like this : "But this movie is not just about temporary break-ups or how time away can get a couple to appreciate each other better (as you would've expected). It feeds on the alluring idea of exploring the unknown within us while following one's dreams. And that is exactly what Aaliya wants to do. Having dated just Abhay ever since, her life feels incomplete and she needs a break. Not necessarily to date other people but to experience a different life in an unknown world. Gold Coast tourism board and an Australian university come to the rescue with some not-so-subliminal in-film advertising and Aaliya is on her way to the land of beer and beaches (and to pursue a course in mass communication) for a year."

Mass communication for an year in Australia... breaking up with the boyfriend to explore that unknown side. To connect with the insides... the insights spoken of in the book "the celestine prophecy" that talk about being full within instead of looking for someone to complete you on the outside.

Isn't this a co-incidence to find a movie on the same line of thought while I am reading a book which explains a similar phenomenon? It only proves the theories explained in the book right. The book asks people to read the signs, the co-incidences which happen to often, the people you chance upon so often.. they all bring a message which would be an answer to the current questions in your head. This concept is repetitively explained in the book and so believably, some of it I have read and almost shrieked that it has happened to me as well!!

The book has come to me at a very appropriate time. For starters it has come to me because I am ready. For a lot of reasons I can relate my current thoughts to what they were when I had gone in for STP in rishikesh. All those deep insights I had about my life, all the things I learnt from ordinary experiences, every weird thought I was apprehensive to share with anyone got affirmed in SM. The same has happened to me after reading The Celestine Prophesy. It is helping me unlearn, unknot and review everything in my life as one big story.

The beauty of reading words that are so simple and easy to understand is that you have already experienced all of it in motion.

Isn't it a delight to have someone describe your emotions for you and that too so flawlessly?

And when you find the perfect words.. the celestine prohesy proves to be right once again. Like the review concludes the flavor of the movie for everyone by these words "before finding the one for you, go find yourself. "

Perfect!

How Goa happened

The idea to go Goa and that too in a car was of a friends'. He, like a few of the close buds knows about my illogical travel desires, but that that he is an equally crazy traveller, I re-discovered when he called me and proposed this idea. Why I use 're' is because he himself happens to be a mountaineer, an expeditioner. 10 years back I first met him at a trekking camp where he was a coach and we have been friends ever since.

So yeah, he proposed the idea and instantly I connected with it. To drive down to the land of beaches, firangs and all things crazy with a set of enthusiastic friends seemed like a great idea. The coming weekend we gathered at Sahdev's house-the one who made the plan and to my delight he had got maps of Maharashtra and inside Goa. The vibe in the house was so amazing... I touched wood atleast 10 times everytime I heard them discuss Goa. We spread the maps on the floor we sat around it scanning the route with our fingers. According to the plan we would be leaving Ahmedabad and be reaching Lonavala that night, leave next morning and reach Goa in the evening. We would stay there for 3 nights, 4 days and start the return journey on the 5th day and be back home by the 6th evening. A few days later Sahdev called me up to give me another brilliant news. He had managed to find a flat not very far from Calengute beach. It had 2 air conditioned bedroom and a fully functional kitchen and it was costing us 2000 per night!! 2000 between the 5 of us seemed like a dream! This was beginning to be the most economical first travel trip I was ever going to get to be part of!

Why economical is so much of a turn on is because my life is still about priorities. Just 15 days back I got my 3 year old cell phone repaired because otherwise I would had to spend a fortune buying a new one and keeping in mind my current expenses plus the Goa trip, I could not afford that. So to have a flat in Goa definitely came as a good news. We quickly did the maths and concluded that the per head per night expense reduced greatly because we would not be staying in hotels anymore.

With the route and the stay sorted, the trip materialized in front of my eyes more clearly. To discover that your friends are crazy about travelling as much as you are is a boon. To have people who are eccentric yet organised is a blessing. I was besotted by the enthusiastic vibe which was brimming in the room the other night when we all sat discussing the trip. You know when you wish for something and it suddenly takes place you are sort of scared to touch it fearing it would crumble or it maybe your illusion. I had similar feelings about the discussions. I had planned a travel trip but one this perfect! God definitely heard my prayers!

Another interesting thing to know is how Goa has affected each one of us. Collectively, it has been a lot of getting together and re-planning the plan(only because it feels good :D). Individually we all have are different ways of expressing our eagerness. Sahdev, the one brimming with child-like enthusiasm has set Goa pictures as his wall paper. He sends me pics from his last visit to Goa and keeps pinging me on gtalk ever too often just to say in his typical style, "Darlingggggggggg, 5 days to go!!" :P. Laxmi is hoping she fits into the denim shorts Sahdev got for her(they are a couple btw) from janpath. She is the most level headed amongst us 5. Next comes Samarth, Aditi's husband, who looks docile at first glance but is fun loving. He poses along with us while we pretend to plan, think, plan GOA. Aditi, has gone on a diet spree, just to fit into those 'chote kapde' and me... I have begun to pen down details, I am gearing myself for all there is to come. I am mentally preparing myself to finally set out on a journey I have always waited to be on.

Goa and the way it makes me feel :)

Eat Pray Love is so close to what I have felt that it has made me cry. To read words that you have said to some one somewhere, to hear Julia's alter ego speak to her like mine has spoken to me at some point and time, to have those moments of realisation that I need to change, to set out on a quest to look within, it is all that I can relate with. Its like seeing my own life unfold scene by scene.

As I was watching, I thought of the moments when I told myself I would set out to travel, that I will travel solo. I thought of the number of times I swore to myself secretly that I would be a serious travel writer, the number of times I made plans to go on weekend trips or diwali hols only to see them go down the drain and then going to a supermall and buying shorts and tee and telling to my friends this is for my goa trip.. I have had it planned in my head so much, so many times, it had to materialise.

Today when Julia was telling her friend in the movie about how strongly she felt the need to travel to 3 places, I felt fantastic. When she relished on her pastas in Italy, when she piled on weight and dint give a damn, when she missed her love, when she sat in Augustine's cave and wondered about her own life, when she gorged on food and along with this learnt to speak Italian fluently, I felt that unquestionable faith re-instate inside me. Her stay at the secluded indian ashram, her awesome friendship with Richard from texas her meditation cum last dance with her husband and her purpose to come to India being fulfilled and at last the wild elephant coming to her was like Gods affirmations for all the hours of meditation she put in there.

Julia's lessons with Bali's medicine man Ketut Liyer, her destiny that leads her to meet The Man who she finally ends up being with takes me to another planet. The concept to travel solo is so beautiful from the start. The way the journey is laid out is so flawless. How can you go wrong when you consciously set out on a mission to search within you. How many do that? How many Elizabeth Gilbert's out there? I will hesitantly raise my hand here. I might not have plans to write a book on my own life, love and loss but I definitely want to go exploring the world. The nomad in me is always groping for those moments of solace, those times walking alone in flea markets in some hippie land, those lazy times sipping a cup of coffee sitting inside a shack while withdrawing my gaze from the distant ocean, of having to listen to guitar at night near the fire on the sea shore... hmmmm

I am already in Goa!!

The connection between human relationships and spirituality is soooo intricate and essential but its a shame no one and trust me no one wants to even begin knowing those angles. People at large believe spirituality is some sort of magic, yog is aerobics, pranayam, most don't know what to make of it and meditation is for the old and helpless.

Everytime I hear people speak of Yog-'a' or pranayam, I miss listening to the real reasons why people resume to any of it. Everytime I see a person do anulomb-vilomb incorrectly, everytime I see someone breathe through mouth or sit in an incorrect posture thinking its sidhhasan, I want to correct it. Not one says Yog benefits him spiritually, not one talks about pran and not a single one speaks of the benefits of Yog at a spirit level. And when the basis of why you do any of it is not clear, how on earth will you know in what way it is benefiting you. And if you don't know how it benefits you how will you see the changes inside you.

Some days I feel my blog should be dedicated to the study of human emotions because everyday there is so much to learn from ordinary life that if I sit down to talk about each of it at length, I will end up writing a thesis.

Everyday my focus shifts from love to anger to pretense to generosity and I try connect all of it to spirituality and try making sense of it all. What spirituality means and how being spiritual affects all the aspects of one's nature has always intrigued me. How asan practice combined with correct pranayam and regular meditation helps in bringing about subtle changes inside you is what I keep verifying within myself. And the more I verify things the more the surroundings seem unreal to me. The more are the reactions of people to their everyday situations appear exaggerated to me. The more people at large appear like escapists to me.

When a person is at peace with himself, when he stops proving to everyone around him what he wants to be and when a person accepts himself totally, the world around him automatically calibrates itself to his convenience. Is this even gyaan? Maybe for people who are too busy trying to fool themselves regarding everything they are incapable of doing, for them this might be some sort of spirituality.. well the good news is.. spirituality is nothing but this. Go ask any sadhvi, he will ask you too accept first and then work towards other things. And if there is acceptance, won't you automatically become more accomodating and if you are more accomodating wont you be more giving and if you are giving how can you not be happy? Its all a circle.. a big one.

How spirituality helps me.

It is funny when I think of it but I have not written much about spirituality. I have mentioned it casually but never pointed out the technicalities. Lately I have been discovering a lot of things about myself. Because I have been spiritually trained, I tend to pay too much attention to whats happening inside me. Being a Virgo and a spiritually inclined at that sort of ups my critical and introspective quotient. Sometimes I really think I have always been a natural at that and just hit home an year back when I first took a conscious step towards disciplining myself. And the disciplining has more than just worked.

For starters I am way to aware and can understand way too much. This sort of amuses me sometimes because I end up having multiple conversations with myself where I argue and counter argue. I play all parts and thats my way of understanding my life situations.

Coming back to spirituality, I don't think I can articulate enough words to really put the message across the way it should be put, but I am definitely putting out the effect it has on me for everyone else to read.

I am inconsistent with my spiritual practices and I consider that the biggest factor responsible for the way I deal with people around me and the way I deal with situations.

Now if I am consistent with my practices and if I dutifully do what I learnt back there then this is what I observe in me :

Nothing bothers me, nothing affects me strongly, there are hardly moments of doubts.

Through regular meditation I have been able to develop my intuition. By intuition I mean the subtle nag that directs action and thought.

I have a stabler mind.

I stop running fighting circumstances.

I am content.

I am able to concentrate one pointedly on the task at hand.

I can understand when the need to prioritise arises, when I need to halt, make shifts and re-prioritise stuff.

I ideate more.

I remain alert and aware all the time.

I think quickly, create and organise better.

I learn to break my thought process, re arrange the patterns and then continue arranging.

I listen more, do more.

I think less, be less impatient.

I learn to differentiate spontaneity from impulse.

And after all this and more there is this most important thing which is worth sharing :

There is a lot less of 'I' and more the realisation of it.

Fataak part 1 :P

I landed at the ahmedabad airport, weary of my decision. Was arriving in the city on the day of her birthday too obvious a thing? One part of me wanted her to understand I was doing this for her and the other was extremely apprehensive of her reaction.

I picked my luggage and made way to the exit. While I waited for the company car to arrive, I dialed her number. After a few tring trings she picked up.

"Hello", she said.

My heart skipped a beat.

"Hi, happy birthday yaar."

"Thanks." came her casual reply.

After a pause I said, "I am back in the city. I was waiting at the airport for the taxi to arrive and the phone screen blinked, said it’s your birthday so I called you."

I crossed my fingers and prayed. Had my cooked up story given me away. I had not forgotten even for a single second that 1^st was her birthday.

“Oh good for me you called. Thanks so much for calling.”, she said ever so sweetly and made my heart go fisssssssssh!!!

“So what’s the plan for the big day.” I asked, hoping for a party invitation.

“Well it’s my 25^th and I’d decided it to be special so I organised a small party for my close pals outside the city. It’s this heritage resort near Baroda. Will be staying the night, return tomorrow.”, she said.

A lump dropped in the pit of my stomach. Did she stress the words “close pals” deliberately or had I imagined? Oh no, I was fornicating. And then a huge virtual club hit my backside. It was my alter ego sniggering at the miserable failure of my plan. “And you thought she was waiting for her prince charming to arrive. She gives a shit dude! Fool of the highest order. Such a fucktard!!” it said laughing its devilish laughter.

“Achha, listen.”, I heard her say.

"Yeah, yeah what?”, I said, recovering from the virtual whack session.

“I need to go now. Need to check the arrangements one more time.”

“Sure”, I said trying to sound indifferent yet polite, “have a blast.”

“ Lets meet tomorrow.”, I blurted out and this time a club hit the left of my forhead. "Idiot! no self-respect." growled the AE.

I glared at the other me until it disappeared into oblivion.

“Thanks and sure lets meet. I will call you.”

She hung up. And the car braked in front of my apartments. I grabbed my luggage and the book wrapped in pink foil. Carried both with a heavy heart and walked to the elevator. I was dis heartened. But not defeated. So what if we din't meet today. I over-estimated her. Maybe she needs telling. Nevermind, I'll meet her tomorrow and give her the gift. My spirits lifted, I had arrived home.

Tomorrow I said to myself, tomorrow...

One way to pick a future is to believe its inevitable

It doesn’t help much when you take all the trouble upon you and then choke because you run out of breath.

Peer pressure you say, but that’s a choice you made.

You lived through all these years doing things you dint love and longing for things you showed no courage to make happen. Who is to blame?

Kismet, you say. Choice, I repeat.

You have no friends to make you laugh, nobody to share or vent out in front of. You say life is a drag. I say, it could have been otherwise.

You don’t dine out, you don’t socialise. According to you everyone is flawed. Restaurants mean luxury. Luxury you say, you cannot afford.

But then you go and buy yourself a new phone, a new tv, Gucci glasses that cost you a fortune.

And while you try those Gucci’s you bicker about alu-pyaz ke bhaav. Ha ha... hell yeah ‘mehengai’!!

You look at other people’s progress and say, aah he must have been corrupt. I tell you, change your definitions of truth/lies. You silently disagree. And I think to myself..phew! there goes my all my gyaan.

You crib and then you meditate and then you get depressed and then wonder why meditation is not working. How will it honey? It’s not years spent in learning from books but experience that takes you forward. Haven’t you understood it yet?

You say you love photography, you love to travel. And you blame your work load that has not been letting you pursue any of these....

Really? In 3 decades you could never take out time to take a short trip somewhere and do a bit of both? But then, you are not even a millionaire.

Choice, again?

How many more proofs you want to make yourself believe that you are the result of your own choices. If you are not happy with what you are today, why don’t you choose differently. What is it that stops you? Laziness, fear, what? I know you have given yourself enough excuses to believe that this is your kismet. But its choices my friend and only that.

How much of a friend are you to me is as much a friend you will remain...

I could have looked for a better post title but this seems right for I have spent years and years being friends with a handful few and this friendships day I would only like to renew my vows of friendship with them.

We started as little girls, we grew up together and spent most part of the decade hardly knowing each other. And today when we have grown older, discovered things about each we might not be very happy to have found out, we still stick around because discovering itself is is so immaterial!

To my gang DAD, I love you guys.

And to every one else - Have a fantastic time reviving and reconciling with good old chuddy buddies!

A few days back I watched I hate Luv stories. Yesterday afternoon I watched "Confessions of a shop-o-holic" and yesterday night I watched Inception. Reactions after watching the movies are "Get me a barf bag!", "Ugh uh for the shop-o-holic and batting eye lashes for the investment banker" and "Bollywood cannot compete with these goras. Amazing script, beautiful story-telling and mind-boggling graphics!!!" respectively.

Would like to add a bit more of a review for Inception because it deserves more. For some strange reason, right now, the only way I can compliment the movie is by saying Bollywood is primitive, hardly original and mediocre at even making a copy!! With every such movie made in Hollywood, the bars have been set high, and its sometime before Indians can even begin conceiving such ideas. Ofcourse the Indian dance and song sequences have caught the attention of the westerner, but I wonder how long can songs hold someone's attention? Some great Indian film critic said somewhere that "Indians are still to understand cinema and the art of story-telling." I couldn't agree more.

Eve teasing

If I begin to tell you people what happened today, I am sure half wont believe me! But girls trust me, if ever you have been stalked/stared at or harassed by wanna be's on road/on bikes/in the car/or any moving vehicle, this trick can do wonders.

I am sure most of the girls have been followed by guys on bikes/cars/sometimes even trucks more than once! Our first instincts are mostly to slow down and let them drive ahead of us or drive faster than them so that they cant follow us. Today was one of the those days and the guys in question were two men in police uniform on a bike. After trying to avoid their gaze, I was convinced I would stop by a traffic police wala and complain about them. Being stared by civilians gets me kicking their butts, these were police constables!! How irresponsible and totally intolerable!!! I was deciding when to stop and deciding what to tell them or the traffic guy, they had already crossed the guy and I followed them. And thats when it struck me... why was I trying to run away from these gits! Why on earth should I be taking all the pain to not look ahead and drive, so I drove exactly behind them, eyes on the pillion rider and I followed them like their shadow.

The effect -

The pillion rider thought I would go away. So he kept looking behind to check where was I. I tailed there bike like a shadow, honked and shooed others away in between and made sure they were not out of sight. The evil grin vanished from the pillion riders face, the turning of head was replaced by hesitant glances and he even once touched his back of the shirts(like I do when I am conscious when someone's staring there).

The one who was riding the bike, adjusted the rear view mirror. He stared into the mirror, I stared into his face in the mirror. His laughter vanished, I guess my unscathed stare unarmed him too and even he stopped staring. Finally, finally after tailing them for almost 15 minutes, I took a turn and they kept driving. And as far as I can remember, neither of them turned to get a second look.

Chaumasa nu aagmann amdavad ma

Looks like that atleast.

Everything is perfect. Life's good.

Happy Monsoons guys! :)